Okay, so I'm finally up to date with A Song Of Ice And Fire. The books being what they are it's kind of impossible to talk about them without giving away MASSIVE SPOILERS up until the very last chapter. You have been warned.
Seriously, unless you've read up to part two of DWD I strongly recommend you don't read any further.
So I started off making cracky predictions during Clash of Kings and a surprising amount of them came true. I have no head for political intrigue but it turns out I am really, really good at spotting the relationships, whether it's 'I do not see good things happening between Petyr Baelish and Sansa' or 'OMG SEXUAL TENSION' between Jaime and Brienne.
Notable among my previous predictions are:
-Jaime and Brienne. I call them the Road Trip of Love.
-Arya and Gendry. I don't care if they've cast a Skins kid and an (I'm guessing) eleven year old in the series, these two have been my ship since Gendry told Arya to 'get her cock out'.
-Nymeria will arrive at the head of a MASSIVE ARMY OF WOLVES and save the day LIKE A BOSS. Still waiting.
-Every character with a claim to the Iron Throne will wind up dead until Gendry is declared Robert's rightful heir by process of elimination.
-Petyr Baelish did sleep with Lysa but not Cat (kind of guessed this one from the mention of them all practising kissing and Lysa getting into it).
Following in the spirit of half serious predictions, here are a new batch you can publically hold me to when the next book comes out, some time in the far distant future.
My current predictions:
-Catelyn Stark will wreck her zombie vengence on Petyr Baelish.
-Lord Ramsay's dogs will eventually tear him apart as karmic revenge for all the women he hunted and killed. Plus the dogs know and love Theon and will refuse to savage him at a pivotal moment.
-Hyle Hunt and Jaime will duel for Brienne's honour. And then she will promptly knock their heads together.
-The patriarchs will die. Just look at the death toll and count how many of them have been men in a position of power.
-Melisandre will do a Thoros of Myr and cure Jon Snow. He'll use this new common ground to bond with Lady Catelyn, forming the most touching stepmother and child setting aside their differences scene where both participants are zombies since the Addams Family directed Cinderella.
-Val will knife Queen Selyse in the eye during a lesson on table ettiquette. Everyone will rejoice.
-Asha and Theon Greyjoy will rule the Ironborn together through sheer force of their collective awesome.
-Jeyne Pool will bond with Theon over their shared horrible experiences and missing body parts. They will both make a huge deal out of her becoming Jeyne Greyjoy. You have to know your name.
-The last book will end with (or at least feature) Ned Stark's bones being brought home to Winterfell.
So yeah. Those are my predictions guys. What do you think is going to happen in the next book? It doesn't have a be a cast iron prophecy and time wasters are most definitely welcome. Because let's face it: most of my predictions are ridiculous.
Except the zombie reconciliation. That's totally going to happen.