Wednesday, 27 June 2012

Predictions for Winds of Winter: ASOIAF Spoilers

So Blogger has this cool feature which will destroy your productivity forever which tells you how many people are reading your blog and where they come from and what Google search lead them there. And mine are all either A Song of Ice and Fire predictions and the Rome drinking game. So clearly this HBO motif I have going on is working for me.

With that in mind, I feel a bit bad that people are looking for serious speculative predictions about book six and I'm giving them crack theories about zombie reunions. So, without further ado, here are my real, sincere, hold-me-to-it-and-everything predictions for Winds of Winter:

Dany's third betrayal will come from Jhiqi and/or Irri.

Why? Because when GRRM throws something out of left field he really throws it out of left field. So far all of Dany's betrayals (and perceived betrayals) have come from the men in her life. They are also the only ones she really suspects. Looking at characters like Melisandre, Cersei Lannister and Shae it's clear that GRRM doesn't think women are delicate flowers who are incapable of betrayal/double dealing/burning people alive.

With the last betrayal being 'for love' I think it's fitting that  it's not for money or politics but the unfortunate result of two minor characters who couldn't keep it in their pants. In DwD there's a scene where both handmaids are arguing over Rakharo, who has apparently got all tall and built and handsome recently (wait...he was a teenager the whole time? The fuck...?) Dany scolds them, saying something along the lines of 'He's blood of my blood: neither of you can have him.' Which seemed a really weird thing to say as a) she was fixated on Daario at the time, b) she has never expressed any interest in any of her bloodriders, before or since, c) I just do not see the Dothraki still loyal to Dany hitting on Drogo's wife. Irri... doesn't count. Somehow an affair between Rakharo and one of the handmaids (my money's tentatively on Irri) goes wrong at a crucial time, leaving Dany high and dry.

Ned Stark's bones will finally be returned to Winterfell in A Dream of Spring. This will either end or herald a series of events leading to the reunion of the surviving Stark children.

GRRM keeps mentioning Ned Stark and his remains long after his death- far too long for them not to have some kind of significance.

The series will end with one of Ned Stark's children beheading a major character.

Why? I'll admit, this is based on a prediction where Bran is the one holding the sword and admittedly it has a nice symmetry to it. But Arya is the one with the kill count...

Don't start carving Jon Snow's headstone just yet.

Did Brienne die? Did Asha Greyjoy? Or Davos Seaworth? Bran and Rickon both survived (apparent) decapitation and even being thrown off the top of a tower couldn't kill Bran. Even Catelyn isn't gone, strictly speaking. GRRM has learnt that after the stunt he pulled with Ned Stark (not to mention the Red Wedding) he can live off his rep as the guy who will brutally murder your favourite character in front of you and smile while doing it.

I'll admit I'm 50/50 on this because the major characters who've died already have been:

Jon Arryn
Lady (and Mycah)
Robert Barratheon
Jory Cassel
Ned Stark
Septa Mordane
Khal Drogo
Rhaego (The Stallion Who Mounts The World)
Renly Barratheon
Ser Rodrik
Maester Luwin
Hoster Tully
Vargo Hoat
Robb Stark, Greywind (and various of his friends)
Joffery Barratheon
Lord Mormont
Qhorin Halfhand
Lysa Arryn
Tywin Lannister
Kevan Lannister

I'm counting major characters as people who were significant to the plot and/or developed as characters. (Obviously my list will be different to your list so feel free to comment if you think I've missed somebody important.Here is a complete list of the dead, complete to the end of Storm of Swords.) Out of my list I count six women, including Lady. Out of thirty odd. Nineteen of them are patriarchs, i.e. men in a position of command. To me ASOIAF is a story about what happens when the patriarchs are killed, the status quo is unsettled and everyone from Cersei Lannister to Bronn is grabbing at power.

Obviously Lord Commander Jon Snow is a patriarch, so I'm not going to pick out a get well card either. But a number of things bother me about his death:

-Melisandre is on site and seems to like/need him. Melisandre is a red priestess. We've seen red priests bring back the dead. Just sayin' Also we totally need undead family bonding with Lady Stoneheart.

-We didn't see anything happen to Ghost. I don't know how it works (and I really don't want to find out by losing Ghost, Nymeria, Summer or Shaggydog) but while a Stark (or Snow) child can survive the loss of a direwolf, a direwolf might not be able to survive the loss of their Stark, because symbolism. (On this basis I'm also reserving judgement on Sandor Clegane, as him being Sansa's Lady-replacement has become fact to me somewhere along the line. Until someone gets her a puppy I won't be convinced he's gone.)

Also, wargs. Jon Snow is probably second only to Bran in understanding the whole skin changing deal. As long as Ghost is alive it's likely there's a part of Jon Snow that's still alive.

Sansa will outmanoeuvre Petyr Baelish.

Couples will be as follows: Jaime/Brienne, Arya/Gendry, Theon Greyjoy/Jeyne Poole.

What are your predictions for the rest of the series?


  1. The theon greyjoy and jeyne Poole match doesn't really matter, the bastard of Bolton saw to his manlyhood. I'd say it made a nice candle holder!

    1. Just because he's castrated doesn't mean that they can't fall in love: maybe they won't reproduce but I'm in this for the people, not the dynasties they represent. And, to be crude, it's not like Theon doesn't have *any* fingers left.

      Also a severed penis would make a really horrible candle holder, from both a medical and decorative standpoint.